“Whipped cream on top maam?”
“Oh yes please, but skim milk if you don’t mind.” This is a phenomenon sweeping America’s Starbucks. People are ordering the largest, most sugar filled drinks with more sugar topping, only to ask for skim milk. This is insanity! If you order sugar and sugar with sugar on top, I think you can handle two percent milk. It’s frightening how little some people know about nutrition. Just because a cheese Danish is made with whole wheat breading doesn’t make it any less of a cheese Danish.
A Starbucks bustling with blackberry and caffeine addicted customers sits on a loud Chicago corner. A woman, dressed in sling back heels, and tight pencil skirt, and a white blouse enters through the revolving door. With shoulders back and chest out, she clickety clacks her way into line. She chooses a fruit cup from the glass case, daintily grasping it with long, slender fingers. After selecting her highly nutritious meal, she orders her drink. “White chocolate cappuccino, whipped cream on top, fourteen shots of espresso, and please use skim milk-I’m watching my weight.” She flashes her bleached white smile, and the barista is momentarily blinded. He then asks her what size she would like, to which she replies, “Oh, none of your sizes are large enough, just pour it in there, if you would.” She points to an industrial size mixing bowl with those same slender fingers. The barista turns and begins the laborious process of making the nuclear sugar bomb. He scrambles to fit all the caffeine and sugar into the mixing bowl, beginning to sweat. His shoes squeak on the floor as he races from one end of the store to the other, trying to find a straw big enough for the woman’s super sized drink. He finally stops at the sink, and rips the hosing from underneath. He plops the hose into the steaming concoction, and grunts as he walks it over to the expectant woman. He places it on the counter with a metallic bang, and rings her up. “That’ll be forty-two fifty, maam.” The woman slides a smooth leather wallet out of her purse, which is approximately twenty times bigger than her body. Her bondy fingers flick through the bills until she decided on a crisp one hundred.
As the woman walks out of the Starbucks, she hardly notices hitting others in the head with her enormous purse, resulting in concussions. She places her plump, blood red lips around the hose that is her straw, and tastes the morning’s first drink. It is exquisite! She can actually feel the sugar granules scrape across her tongue! Her pupil’s dilate as the caffeine rushes to her head, and she is once again normal.
Why is this happening in our country? We have education systems in place to prevent this foolishness! Even so, people continue to make irrational choices, wreaking havoc on their bodies. Most Americans cannot even think, much less function, without their first Olympic pool sized coffee. It’s an addiction in the truest form. The public looks down on users of drugs, yet they are the same. If coffee was outlawed, I guarantee business men and women would use their four oh one K’s to finance a caffeine distribution system. Beans and grounds would be smuggled by coffee cartels and riots would break out in the streets. Women once wearing pencil skirts would flood the streets pan handling for change, because they ruined their lives in the crazed search for coffee. Similar to the prohibition, citizens would try to brew their own in bathtubs. Bootleggers would now be known as Jimmy Choo leggers, and they would lead the coffee protesters on marches. The United States would simply collapse. So, instead of having the cup of coffee in the morning, perhaps choose an apple, or a piece of toast.
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